Wednesday 30 December 2020

Postcards from Sydney

The second volume of Helen Garner's diaries, One Day I'll Remember This (2020), focusses on the period 1987-1995. It is time of transition for Garner as she has moved to Sydney after the end of her marriage to F.  She begins an affair with V, another writer, who is married when they meet. Now in her late forties, she is experiencing the onset of menopause and the invisibility of women as they age. 

During this period, Garner is busily working on a screenplay (The Last Days of Chez Nous), a novel (Cosmo Cosmolino), a work of non-fiction (The First Stone) and writing film reviews. She is invited to literary festivals and takes up a residency in New York City. These are years of great professional output, and her diaries give insight to her process and her insecurities as a writer. She writes

'I will probably never write anything large, lasting, solid or influential. Is this a proper life I am leading?' (p134)

We know now that nothing could be further from the truth, but I wonder how much of her insecurity might have come from her relationship with V.  Eventually V will leave his wife, Helen will move in with him, and in 1992 they will marry. V is Murray Bail, author of award-winning novels Homesickness (1980) and Eucalyptus (1998) among others. The two have completely different approaches as writers, and throughout the diaries it is clear that Bail put his own needs above Garner's. 

Garner's relationship with Bail is a mystery to me. As seen through her eyes, Bail is arrogant, privileged and uncompromising. He may have been inspiring to her as an intellectual and creative, but he is no real partner to her. She describes their interactions and there were many times where I was angered on her behalf for his behaviour.

Like her previous volume of diaries, Yellow Notebook: Diaries Volume 1 - 1978-1987 (2019) Garner is at her unfiltered best when writing about the world around her. She is vulnerable, witty and curious. Her relationships with friends are fascinating, particularly where they intersect with her work - as they do when she publishes Cosmo Cosmolino which alienates certain friends. Her family too is interesting - particularly the interactions between Helen's father and her partner. 

What comes across strongly in One Day I'll Remember This is Helen's longing to find a home. She writes about her displacement, of not being settled in Sydney, and her desire to have place she feels at home in. There is a tinge of sadness throughout these diaries, despite the professional success. 

The publication of these diaries is a huge gift to Garner fans but may also appeal to aspiring writers. I look forward to the next instalment.